They say we have a few more weeks of fall, but for me, come December 1 – it’s winter. So last night I pulled out the full suite of boots and unzipped the chunky sweaters from the plastic storage bags. I could say it was a leisurely evening, re-orienting my home and therefore my mindset to the change of seasons. But in reality, I was doing that while wearing my Jawbone so that I could join Rachel on a last minute urgent conference call all the while giving my kids the “one minute” sign in response to their requests for help with everything from homework to hair straightening.  I’m now writing this blog from Chicago— O’Hare, en route to DC for meetings where I’ll stay overnight to have dinner with my oldest son who is there at school before heading home on an AM flight that gets me into the office in time to record our weekly radio show.

I can see you all, nodding knowingly. Ah …the challenges of work-life balance.

But that is NOT the point, friends. Work-life balance is a dangerous myth. My professional and personal lives have rarely been in perfect sync, with the scope and scale of my work nicely matched to what was happening at home. More often, my experience has been bending fully to what requires focus at the time—a newborn baby led me to skew in one direction for a while, a newborn company led me to skew in the opposite direction for a while. And now it’s about phases where I need to surrender to whatever matters most at the time.

Which reminds me of something I heard recently. Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s dynamic COO, has given some great speeches about getting more women into the C-Suite. She totally gets all the external obstacles that keep women’s noses pressed to the glass ceiling. But she also tells young women to “take a seat at the table” by owning their ambition and reaching for big opportunities: “Don’t leave before you leave.” In other words, keep your foot on the professional gas pedal until you absolutely have to shift downward, don’t go for work-life balance at every step of the way.  Know what phase you’re in when you’re in it, and push that all the way.

Which doesn’t mean that companies shouldn’t attract and keep their best people by offering flexibility, telecommuting and job shares. And not just for moms and dads. At ROI, we have structures and schedules that help our staff do great work even while they train for the marathon, finish graduate school, or get married. Because we know that happy workers do great work.

By the time it’s all over, your career should have been balanced. But not at every step along the way. It’s not going to be 50-50 every year. Some years, you’ll swerve 80-20 one way; some years you’ll go 80-20 in the other direction.

Another terrific voice on these issues comes from Cali Williams Yost, a corporate work-life expert whose book, Work + Life – Finding the Fit That’s Right for You, encourages each person to own his or her work+life fit, at every stage. Which leaves room for the self-described workaholic and the person who needs to take his or her career down a notch to take care of kids or parents. For now.

The key is to ask yourself – What matters most to me right now? – and then make your choices. Tell yourself the truth. I’m willing to bet that, if you answer this question honestly, your personal life or your work will come first. Your life will be great if you’re clear about what you want and what you’re willing to give up to get it.

We’d love to hear your stories and how are you learning to make work and life fit together – for what matters to you, right now.

- posted by Suzanne

I had to tell myself to sit up straight because I was exhausted, and had zero energy to listen to this pretty, perky redhead that my boss had hired as a consultant to work with our business. It was like I wasn’t even in the room as she tried to engage the group by making provocative comments about us and our work..  She was bright enough, but I had no idea why this woman had been hired to “fix” us.  I knew what our company needed.  More money.  More time. More products in the marketplace.  Go away, lady.  I got work to do.

But it turned out that what needed to be fixed was…me.  I was in my early 30′s and I was working 60 hours a week for a boss and a board and I was totally focused on making sure I exceeded expectations.  Always.  So that I could get what I wanted from this company.  What did I want?  Power?  Money?  Respect? All the above?  I wasn’t too sure. But I was sure that somebody needed to give it to me.  The stress of proving myself and the long hours were not only taking a physical toll, but my marriage was flat-line, my kids were never getting the best of me, and my social life was non-existent.  I was miserable.

Despite my crankiness, I fought myself to pretend to pay attention as Rachel pranced across the room, telling us what she thought needed to be done, and I had to watch, biting the inside of my cheek as I saw all this extra work piling up around each of her recommendations.

When the meeting finally ended, I was asked by my boss to spend some time with Rachel.  I rolled my eyes without moving them (it’s a trick I’ve perfected over the years).  “Mmmm.  It’d be my pleasure.”  As we sat down in my office, Rachel looked at me with an intensely empathetic gaze of someone who cares (urgently): “Wow, Suzanne, you’re freaking miserable. (She used the f-bomb in our very first exchange, which woke me right up.) What’s going on with you!?”

Huh??! Where’d that come from?  Why are we talking about me?? I looked at her, furious: “Excuse me? Are you a consultant or a therapist”?

Rachel just laughed and then she leaned way forward and said something that I’ve never forgotten. “You are way too special to be unhappy at work.  Your work is where you should feel on fire and at home.  First, I need to find out what you love.  Then we need to find out what makes you a genius. And then we’re going to make sure you’re doing that all day every day.  You’re never going to be happy if you don’t do what I’m telling you.  That’s what will make you matter the way you deserve to.”

I broke open like a Jewish pinata, and from that moment Rachel and I became best friends. She had been hired to make our company better, but what happened was that she coached me straight into the life I always dreamed of. It became clear to me that I needed to do work every day that mattered to me and made me feel special, and that I was at the point in my career that I was ready to do this, and do it on my terms.  It wasn’t about proving myself anymore. It was about claiming the truth of what I wanted …and making it happen.

That single conversation changed everything for me.  That year I landed some huge deals, and on the heels of that success I was made CEO.  I was definitely on track…but still I knew there was more.

Cut to deep winter 2007.  One blustery morning in New York City, I met Rachel for breakfast at a cool Parisian bistro in Soho.  Now it was Rachel’s turn to be in the dumps. The internet bubble had crashed, leaving her with a fistful of empty stock options and she hated her work consulting with Fortune 500 companies who didn’t know the difference between a great idea and a golf club.  She had lost the vision of her future, and so I laid out mine.  I wanted to start a firm based on the conversations she and I had been having every single day for the past 10 years.  I wanted her to be my partner.  “Rachel, it’s so simple:  you’re a genius at digging out the big ideas.  I’m a genius at selling them.  We’re both genius at packaging stuff. We love telling powerful people what to do.  So let’s go help companies package their biggest ideas for the market! Let’s show them how having a social purpose can be meaningful AND profitable.  And let’s make a fortune doing what we love and what we’re genius at!” Rachel put down her croissant, clutched her heart with both greasy hands, and then I saw her cry for the first and last time since I’ve known her.

Five years later, Rachel and I have built a fantastic high-growth company with major clients and we love what we do.  We’re bossy and busy and boy are we good.  And we’re living the most important lesson we’ve ever learned:  when you plant your genius—the thing you do best in the world—right on top of that thing you love to do, you will finally be home.   You’ll feel special because you’ll be special—and that’s what matters.

- posted by Suzanne